It took Lisa Lampanelli just three seconds to toss an insult at the beginning of our phone interview.
"Oh, come on," she said. "I'd disappoint you greatly if I didn't (insult)."
She's right. The Queen of Mean, a favorite and occasional guest advice expert of Howard Stern, is reaching comedic heights even she didn't think possible. Lampanelli appears Sept. 20 at the Silver Legacy Resort Casino.
Only a few years ago, she was opening in places such as Reno and Lake Tahoe. She opened a few years back at Harveys for Doug Stanhope, who at the time said of Lampanelli: "(She's) the secretary of comedy. She can stereotype people at a rate of 120 a minute with only one typo."
"That's the best quote of my career," she said. "I have it on my Web site."
But don't think she's getting soft. She also had this to add:
"It's great to have passed him by," she said of Stanhope. "Hey, it's funny because it's true."
If success is defined by demand, then Lampanelli has indeed passed many comics. She's preparing to film a one-hour HBO special Nov. 21 in Santa Cruz, Calif. An HBO special is like reaching the major leagues of comedy.
"I feel so good," she said. "It feels like once HBO gives you an hour special, that you're up there with George Carlin or Chris Rock. But I'm not dead or black, so I'm better. I have the world at my feet, mister."
Thankfully, Lampanelli washes between her toes. She's into spewing toxic insults, but not into spreading noxious odors ... even she isn't that mean.
In Reno, Lampanelli will roll out the routine she will use for her HBO special. Can you say "Lampanelli Unleashed"?
"I love Comedy Central, but they have a lot stricter standards and practices," she said. "With HBO, almost nothing is off-limits. So you can be edgier, more risqué."
Just how Lampanelli likes it. It's also why she says she's sworn off men (as well as sworn at), overeating and rage issues for the year.
"It makes me edgier than ever," she said. "I was talking to Brad Garrett (of "Everybody Loves Raymond") and we both agreed that getting yourself together makes you even funnier because you can take more chances and care less about what people think."
Without excessive food, sex or rage, Lampanelli has no choice but to devote 100 percent to her career.
So she gladly accepted another offer from HBO to star in her own pilot sitcom. Especially when the offer came from executive producer Jim Carrey, who saw Lampanelli last year at a Los Angeles comedy club. It's a dark comedy that somewhat follows the path of a struggling comedian who suddenly inherits a comedy club.
"It's pretty much about the tragedy of how crappy and dysfunctional comedic lives are," she said. "Only funny."
Lampanelli, 47, also is writing an autobiography to be released in 2009 by Harper Collins. It will detail her life, how she wanted to be a rock journalist and how she chose to become a comedian at 30. It will detail her successes and her failures. But what about revealing imagery?
"Sorry, no nude pictures. But if I get any, I'll make sure you're the first to know."
Don't blame a guy for asking. While Lampanelli isn't a conventional sex symbol by any stretch of the imagination, she was named one of Maxim's "Five Women We're Not Supposed to Want (But Do)." Her company included White Stripes drummer Meg White, pop singer Pink, comedian Tina Fey and actress Juliette Lewis.
"I'm honored to be in it," Lampanelli said. "I'm up there with Pink and Tina Fey. It's like the bucket list of ugly chicks. We're not conventionally sexy, but we have this thing where you still want to (have sex) with us. So, thank you, Jesus."
Lampanelli said she's what is called a Cougar: "A delightful, rich, older lady." Which explains why, she said, half the guys visiting her Web site are 25 or younger.
"It's a little creepy," she said. "But, hey, why not? Any love is good love."
The Grammy-nominated Lampanelli also has a new CD and DVD, "Dirty Girl." Give it a listen and you'll hear the evolution of a comic.
"My first CD was about 90 percent insults," she said. "The second had more stories, but still got nominated for a Grammy. This one is more content, less insults, but way edgier and harsher."
Lampanelli, whose passion is what keeps her moving at such a rapid pace, expects to perform as long as she enjoys it.
"You ask if I can do that in 20 years," she said. "That's like asking will you still be able to live when you're 60. As long as I'm passionate about what I'm doing, I'll continue doing it. The minute the passion leaves, I'm gone. I'll get a job at Kinko's. I don't care."
For now, she's the Insult Comic, going places where others before her — such as Don Rickles - likely never dreamed of going. She's the modern Ruth Buzzi of roasts. Always in demand, she had to turn down Comedy Central's recent roast of Bob Saget because of time restrictions.
"Roasts are literally the most challenging, hardest thing to do," she said. "It may look easy, but it isn't. And I've been putting a lot of time into my new act. It's still in the same vein. Lots of insults, lots of talking with the audience ... it's brand new comedy with the same style and a lot of stories about things that bug me on a daily basis, which is everything. I let all my rage come out on stage so I don't have to yell at people in the airport anymore, which is fantastic for my publicist, so she doesn't have to put out that fire anymore."
